saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what the fuck happened to the tacos
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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