yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
