I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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