At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
