Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
