16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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