Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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