I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
