he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
