Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize