We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
