My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
