you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
