When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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