she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
