how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize