Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
