i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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