In the future we'll all be gay
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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