he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
