he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
