I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm really busy with my period
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