You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
