Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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