Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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