Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
