I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
