Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize