Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
