What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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