I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
