I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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