Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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