I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
