She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
