I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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