Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
