Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
