dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
