you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
