take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
