its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
