yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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