She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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