Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
