you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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