it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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