id be glad to
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god