Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors