he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.