I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
