And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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