Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
