Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
