I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
