Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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