At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
