We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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