I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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